Shades of Gray

# re: A is for Affirmation 7/18/2006 2:32 PM Danny

Hell, I could have told you the "old brain" still worked. Congratulations, nevertheless.

How's the Zoloft working? I do understand your concerns with regard to getting back on something. It's a pretty wrenching decision to make because on the one hand you know you feel miserable and you have a doctor telling you, "If you were diabetic, you wouldn't NOT take insulin, right?" Which is true to an extent. But you've also got pharmaceutical companies who I'm convinced (and I know I'm not alone) create conditions (or fear of having said conditions) to suit what they're taking to market. They've joined the ranks of insurance companies, corporations like Exxon-Mobil, Wal-Mart, etc., and the Republican and Democratic parties as being the most appallingly evil entities in the world. Just yesterday I was at my shrink's office and, while I was in the waiting room, the Adderrall rep was schmoozing and peddling her wares with the staff....a little rolling cart of giveaways, freebies, goodies, coupons, etc., for the doctor and staff to start doling out. Sure enough, as soon as I got in to see the doc, I got hit with more coupons than I knew what to do with. Granted, I was there to kind of experiment on myself for a few other purposes, but still....mind-altering drugs should not be tossed around like candy on Halloween. You know? But I digress.

The bottom line is that it's become virtually impossible to determine the chicken or the egg....Did I have this condition before I started the meds? Or am I now dependent on the meds because, without them, the condition becomes unbearable? I'd love just once to read a story of someone who took Paxil or Zoloft or Lexapro or whatever for an extended period and got off them successfully, permanently. I really wonder whether it can be done. I've tried and failed a few times, myself. I'll try it again some day soon, but not quite yet. Anyway, that's a super long-winded way of saying I know exactly what you mean and relate completely to the trap you feel you've fallen into. It's no fun being the prey when multi-billion dollar corporations are the predators and they're hunting you by using your most precious possession against you....your sanity.

Speaking of jobs (and good for you for getting out of your situation), I had a friend who went to LA a few weeks ago and came back telling me glorious stories of this fantastic sort of animal-sitting / day care facility in Santa Monica. She didn't know the name of the place, but said it was like a McDonald's playland on steroids for animals. Said it was wonderful and that she'll give me pictures when she has them. Ever heard of such a place? I'd bet that would be a blast to work at....

You should pursue a degree in Biological Sciences. You'd be great in a more challenging field of animal care. I've considered it myself, but school and I don't agree with each other.

I hope you get your vacation to San Francisco soon. You deserve it.

Hang in there. Much love....

Danny